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Category archive: Theatre

Sunday September 07 2014

I am still waiting for God.  But when God returns, he will be different.  Major internal organs will have been exchanged for faster and better ones, or that is the idea.  But, the new dispensation is taking for ever to arrive.

A new name suggests itself, for the new computer, when I finally get it and get it going.


Saturday September 06 2014

Late this afternoon I had another go photoing the Ballerina, the idea being to do this photo again, but better.

But then I noticed what comely wenches the statues below her were, photoed them, and then picked one and photoed her with a crane behind her:

image image

What I like about her is that she looks so relaxed and happy about what she is doing, and for that matter about what she is wearing.  Pavlova, dancing up above them, looks otherworldly and untouchable.  The statues look like girls next door, but really nice looking.  To be more exact, they look like the kind of girls you wish had lived next door, instead of the ones who actually did.

When I click on either of the above photos, I get the big versions rotated ninety degrees.  All I can say about that for now is: my apologies.  It is far too late at night for me to be working out why this happens.  Does it happen for you?  Comments would help, as would explanations of what I am doing wrong or what is going wrong, or whatever.

Thursday September 04 2014



Taken a few minutes after I had taken this photo.

I should take that shot again, and get those spy cameras looking like they’re looking right at her.

This, you see, is why I like photoing in London, rather than in foreign parts.  In foreign parts it is inconvenient to go back and take a picture again.  In London, I can do this.

Friday August 01 2014

Trawling through the archives this evening, I came across this fine feline:


Photoed by me, in Battersea, about two months ago.

In other cat news, pet cats in Vietnam are being stolen and sold to restaurants.  And not because the restaurants want cats for their customers to mingle with.  Oh no.  This is Vietnam, not Paris.

Back here in evil Britain, hundreds of black cats are being abandoned by their owners because, according to the Daily Mail, these black cats don’t look good in SELFIES (their capital letters):

Today the RSPCA announced a rise in the number of black cats being abandoned by their owners, and attributed it to them not photographing well.

A spokesman for the animal welfare charity said that more than 70 per cent of the 1,000 cats in its care were black, and blamed the trend for people taking pictures of themselves with their phones.

He said: ‘There are a number of reasons for us having so many black cats, including the fact that black animals tend not to photograph as well as other cats with more distinctive markings.

Other cats are also easier to tell apart, he said.

The spokesman added: ‘There is a national problem with rehoming cats of this colour.

‘We really are puzzled as to why this still happens but we would urge people to never judge a cat by its colour and look at its personality instead.’

This story is everywhere.  I sense hostility towards digital photography, and in particular towards the evil practice of taking photos of yourself, an evil practice which now has its own word.

However, a selfie is when you take a photo of yourself.  Owners are including themselves in their cat photos on incidentally.  Often only the cat is in the picture.  These photos are not being taken by cats, so they are not selfies.

Cats don’t take photos of themselves.  If they had been caught doing this, on video for instance, I would definitely have learned about it and passed the news on to you people.  All that is actually going on here is that black cat owners are finding it hard to photo their black cats and are consequently abandoning their black cats, and obtaining other cats, more like the one in my picture above, that are easier to photo.  That’s a wicked enough story as it is, without misreporting it and put your mistake in capital letters.  Socks, Daily Mail.  Pull yours up.

Next up, an Italian shooting champion is on trial for using live cats as target practice.  I sense hostility towards shooting champions, but it may just be towards Italians.

Finally, Cats is being revived, in the Millenium Centre, Cardiff:

The highlight of the evening was the singing which included lots of harmonies ...

Which is what you want.  What with Cats being a musical show, consisting mostly of people dressed as cats, singing, and trying to be harmonious about it.

Rachel Howells continues:

Cats is at the Wales Millennium Centre until Saturday 9th August and includes many matinee showings so you have no excuses not to miss it.

Once again, we see the mainstream media getting their facts in a twist, this time because of faulty grammar.  No excuses not to miss it?  It would appear that, at least when it comes to their online content, the writing and/or editing at the South Wales Argus has gone to the dogs.

Saturday May 17 2014

I am very fond of the ballerina statue at the top of the Victoria Palace Theatre.  I recently photoed it with a red crane behind it, that being one of my favourite recent snaps.

This afternoon, I photoed it again, again with craneness:


What I had not realised until today is that this is a statue of Anna Pavlova.  Says the Victoria Palace Theatre:

From 1911, the year after its rebuilding to its present design by Frank Matcham, the Victoria Palace had a gilded statue of prima ballerina Anna Pavlova poised above it. This was owner Alfred Butt’s homage to the dancer he had spectacularly introduced to London.

The tribute was not appreciated by the superstitious ballerina, who would never look at her image as she passed the theatre, drawing the blinds in her car. The original statue was taken down for safety reasons in 1939 before the blitz and has completely disappeared. It is not known whether it is in someone’s garden or was turned to wartime military use, such as bullets.

The Victoria Palace moved into the new millennium with an adventurous building programme; enlarging the Foyer, WC facilities and increasing the dressing room space, whilst maintaining all the feel and character of a historic building.

In 2006, a replica of the original statue of Pavlova was reinstated to its original place above the cupola of the Victoria Palace and her gold-leafed figure once again gleams above us.

Blog and learn.

Saturday April 12 2014

Back quite late from LLFF14, and too tired to say much about that now, other than that I am enjoying it very much.  So here instead is a blatant quota photo of some painted people I snapped, down by the riverside, from Westminster Bridge, last Thursday, late afternoon:


It’s a tough life, having a painted face for a living.  She’s saying: I’ll be home soon.

I thought about cropping this snap, but if in doubt, not, is my inclination on that.

Thursday December 12 2013

Photoed by me today:


The golden dancing lady is the one on top of the Victoria Palace Theatre.

Saturday November 16 2013

And here’s a really good photograph, to make up for the really bad photograph in the previous posting.  I say really good photograph.  What I mean is a photo taken by me that is okay, of a really good photograph, taken by a seriously Real Photographer.  Limited edition, perfect paper, perfectly printed, framed, the works, worth hundreds of pounds:


Yes, it’s Dumbledore, making himself smile for the camera.

He’s been having his ups and his downs lately, it seems.  As do we all.

At the Do I attended last weekend, just after taking the photo in the previous posting, this photograph was one of the items being charitably auctioned.

This is the first charity auction I can remember attending.  But, despite my ignorance of how to do such a Do, let me offer you a tip, for if you ever organise a charitable auction.  Be sure to hand round a cash bucket immediately after the auction bit of the evening finishes, to enable all those who feel ridiculously guilty about not having bought any of the things being auctioned to part with a manageable amount of cash, without being encumbered with a unnecessary Thing, or worse, a Complicated Experience.  If they had done that at this Do, I reckon they might have increased their money by twenty percent or more.  They’d certainly have got twenty quid out of me.

Friday January 25 2013

When journeying across the river to Vauxhall, as I often do, I now tend to take the bus, in fact I have been doing this ever since I got my Old Git Pass

Which means that I have tended to miss out on shots like these:


Mere clutter, you say?  Not for me.  For me, these are Big London Things, with clutter in the foreground.  On the left, Strata.  On the right, the mighty Shard.

The circumstance which caused me to shun the bus, despite the extreme coldness of the weather, was all the drama to do with the – see immediately below - cranes.

The Shard one reminds me that I have been watching a lot of Wagner on DVD lately, specifically Gotterdamerung (add double dots to taste).  Operas like Gotterdamerung bring out the worst in European stage directors and stage designers.  They tend to set the thing, not in the mythic world indicated by Wagner, but in a modern aircraft hanger, space station, hydro-electric power station, typically rather run-down or collapsing.

The architectural clutter in the foreground is provided by a piece of New Brutalism that is now being demolished.  Reinforced concrete sometimes looks at its most dramatic when they are trying to remove it.  It really puts up a fight, doesn’t it?

Thursday November 29 2012

Earlier this evening, or last night if you think today begins at 12 midnight (and has thus already begun) rather than when you get up next day (in which case for me it has not yet begun), I went to a Comedy Improv Evening, at the Leicester Square Theatre, in a small downstairs room.  It was a laugh, which is what you obviously want with comedy.

The format was clever.  They had a interviewer guy, who interviewed a borderline comedy celeb, and then a gang of comedy improvisers improvised comedy, taking their cues from what the celeb said.  Then another borderline celeb, then more improv.  Then a final borderline celeb, and a fnal dose of improv.  It added up to just over an hour.

So, for instance, comedian Nish Kumar, borderline celeb one, talked about how he got a bit bored seeing his face on a poster everywhere in Edinburgh.  Yeah, I know, a not very subtle way of saying: I’m doing okay, I’ve got my face up on posters in Edinburgh.  But it was okay.  And the improvisers did a thing about how Stalin got bored with his face being everywhere.

Then they had one of those women who had high hopes for herself, having trained herself to do Shakespeare and such, but who now has a job selling eyebrow trimmers or something similar on a TV shopping channel.  She was really funny, switching between herself, so to speak, and herself doing her shopping channel spiel.  And then they improvved a bunch of act-ors selling each other eyebrow trimmers, in the style of a Shakespeare comedy.  How we all laughed.

Those were just two bits I happen to remember.  There was lots of other stuff, and never once did I sneak any looks at my watch.

The final borderline celeb was an actor who had been in various movies, doing scenes with famous actors, many of which were cut out of the final movie.  Ah the joy of hearing about the misfortunes of others.

It worked well.  The borderline celebs got to put their faces about and to be used to get an audience together, but without them having to do lots of rehearsing.  And the presumably less well-known performers get a bigger audience.

My two favourite performers, among the gang of improvvers I mean, were Joseph Morpurgo, and one of the ladies, called, although I could be wrong, Idil Sukan.  If Idil Sukan was actually a different lady, no matter, because they were all good.

Recommended.  But, alas, there is no run for you to go to a later performance in.  There was just the one show, and the one I saw was it.  Besides which, if you go to another show of theirs, it would be completely different, what with everything being improvised.

At the website of these amusing people, there is, on page one, at the moment, the plug for the show I just saw, already linked to above, with pictures of the three borderline celebs.  Where it says What Monkey Toast Is, they describe what they do.  (They certainly do not describe what monkey toast is and why they’re named after it.) But where it says “Upcoming Gigs”, there is currently nothing.  So, no more shows fixed.  But I don’t believe that this will be their last.

I don’t know why they’re called Monkey Toast.  I’m guessing comedy troupes are like race horses, in that they have to be called something or other, but the main thing is not to take a name that’s already taken.  So, you call it Purple Bilgewater or Our Daughter’s Wedding (a real pop group of former times, that one) or The Funny Peculiars, or some other daft thing that if googled gets you nowhere, simply because you have to call it something and can’t spend all your time arguing about what.  As the comedy troupes multiply in number, the names get dafter and dafter, like with the horses.

This posting might have been funnier and shorter if I had worked harder at it instead of just stream-of-consciousness-ing it the way I actually did.  But that way it would probably not have been written at all.

Tuesday October 25 2011

Thame Gazette:

A ONE man show is coming to Thame.

Devised, written and starring professional actor Clive Woodward, You, Me, Colin and Helen will be on show at The Players Theatre in Thame on Saturday for one night only.

The show is based upon Clive’s experience as an actor who has worked on major feature films such as The Kings Speech, A Bunch of Amateurs starring Burt Reynolds and Brighton Rock, starring Dame Helen Mirren, TV programmes such as Spooks, Midsommer Murders and Lewis as well as theatre productions, a TV commercial, BBC Radio plays and corporate acting work in role play, films and live events.

Poor chap, having a famous name (which as an actor it would be most inconvenient for him to change), but not being the one who is famous for it.

It reminds me of the guy in Office Space whose name is Michael Bolton.  His friends urge him to call himself “Mike” instead, but he refuses.

“Clive” can’t be shortened, or really changed at all.  Clivey?  I don’t think so.

I get emails every time Clive Woodward gets an internet mention, which is how I heard about this.

Patrick Crozier has just dropped by and says maybe most acting people don’t know who Clive Woodward is.  Apart from being Clive Woodward the actor.  Maybe so.  Thank you Patrick.  You just destroyed the point of this posting.

Wednesday April 06 2011

At the top of a London Tube escalator, an appropriate juxtaposition, n’est pas?


Another sign of the times I spotted in Egham earlier in the week, here.

Wednesday March 09 2011

Indeed.  Another snap taken last night, just before the big advert below:


I like the whiteness, the hinges, the signs, the bike at an odd angle, and the fact that (see sign on the right) that it’s the Noel Coward Theatre.

Here’s the sign, closer up:


Alas, we are once again up against the limits of what my camera can do in artificial light, which this was.  Underneath “overbury” it says: “A passion for perfection”.

That bloody Tom Peters has got a lot to answer for.

Friday July 09 2010

Incoming from “Tony et famille”, who live in Quimper, Brittany:

Hello Brian


I caught Caesar the cat in the act of sneezing on the hot tin roof of our car in Quimper.


According to the date embedded in this picture, this took place as long ago as September 7th 2009, or maybe even July 9th 2009.  Yet did the mainstream media pay any attention to this sensational circumstance, either at the time or since?  I googled “cat on hot tin roof” but all I got was a lot of drivel about a play.  No wonder blogs are taking over the media world.

If you would like to use the pic in your blog the usual fee of 50000 Euros will apply ...

Fine.  I’ll settle up in a couple of years, by which time a single figure clutch of our British pounds should more than suffice to obtain the appropriate brick of Euros.

Sunday May 02 2010

To all who are interested in this Draw Mohammed thing, which I most recently posted about here, I really recommend this piece, by a guy who runs an internet site where all the pictures and sculptures and so on ever made of Mohammed are gathered together.  The point being that the claim that this is verboten is relative recent.  Here’s one of the more decorous pictures, in which an implausibly sweet looking Mohammed takes his dictation, or whatever it was, from the Angel Gabriel:


There’s also quite a bit about the insane emails section of the site, where incoming psycho-emails from enraged Islamo-nutters (of whom there really do seem to be a great many) are collected for all to browse.

In among the comments, I found this, from “Big Bird”, who definitely speaks (in comment 40) for me:

I am an atheist so I don’t have a contestant in the invisible man sweepstakes but even a cursory attempt to compare the lives of Jesus and Mohamed will show there is no moral equivalency between the two. If Christians threaten others over a play then they are violating their teachings. If Muslims kill people for insulting their prophet then they are following their teachings.

Indeed.  And that makes “their teachings” the fundamental problem, I would say.  It’s no good concentrating only on the nutters who take these teachings dead seriously, and saying that this is the entire problem.  The sane-apart-from-not-rejecting-their-teachings Muslims have also got to be told that this whole disaster is also their fault, arguably more their fault, because they are otherwise sane, and because, assuming for now that relentless claims to this effect are right, there are more of them than there are of the nutters.  They are the ones doing the big, long-term damage, and they ought to know better.  They keep “their teachings” alive and revered and hence liable, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, to be acted upon by anyone nutty.  Or not so nutty, when the opportunity for some of serious conquest arises.

It’s like we’re dealing with a combination of God and Lenin.  The aim should not be coexistence.  It should be victory, over the whole thing.  We should aim for a world where the number of and nature of the people who even say that they believe this stuff is small enough and harmless enough for it not to matter any more.

To me, the virtue of Everybody Draw Mohammed Day is that, as well as insisting upon the right of all to be offensive with what they say and draw and paint, it keeps the argumentative pot boiling concerning the more serious aspects of all this.  What’s going on here?  What’s the big picture?  What is to be done?  Etc.